Growing in Christ
Sam Crabtree
Book Review: Practicing Affirmation
16 months ago
Have you ever just wanted a handbook on how to be a friend? Maybe you’re like me (but probably not), friendship seems hard and difficult, messy and constantly a source of feeling like an absolute failure. Or maybe you are like me and feel that you get little encouragement from people you think are your friends. I feel both of those relational realities, and if you’re like me, then Sam Crabtree is your man. Not only is he your man, he’s your pastor.
In Practicing Affirmation, Sam Crabtree walks us through the grand reality that affirmation “is the purpose of the universe - specifically, affirmation of God” (11). The great thing about Crabtree’s work is that he orbits in a God-centered universe, and wholeheartedly avoids the psychologized relational techniques, love cups, love languages, and self-esteem paradigms of our culture. Affirmation is primarily about God, and when affirming other people, Crabtree helps us see that we are affirming the “echoes, shadows, and reality of a righteousness not intrinsic to the person being affirmed” (19). Affirmation delights in God and delights in seeing Christlike characteristics in other people. It celebrates the grace of God in those patterns and behaviors in other people.
So what is affirmation for Crabtree? “Affirmation of a recognized quality in a human hints at a real quality in God who stands behind it” (30). And why should we want to practice affirmation? First, affirmation directly relates to our posture towards God. If we rightly love and delight in God, we will seek to affirm God and wherever we see him reflected. Secondly, as it relates to people, affirmation “is like an invigorating sudsy shower after a long day of manual labor. It’s like a cool rain after a long, hot dry spell. It delivers a combination of relief, respite, hope, optimism, satisfaction, and energy. It’s life-giving. It blesses.” (41)
The great thing about this book is that it’s immediately practical. Crabtree doesn’t wait until the end to unpack his affirmation advice. No, from the first page this book seeks to give you handles on how to see affirmation as central to love, and how affirmation works itself out in our lives.
One of the great benefits of this book is that Crabtree, apart from being an endeering author, is a careful pastor. He anticipates our hang-ups and questions. He devotes a whole chapter to Q&A, and several excurses and appendixes on clarifying points. For example, maybe you’ve wondered what the difference is between encouragement and affirmation? He notes: ”Encouragement looks forward and affirmation looks backward” (100). Encouragement looks towards where people can go by God’s grace; affirmation celebrates what God has already been doing in people by his grace.
Or maybe you’re thinking that all this affirmation talks sounds a bit like Christian-manipulation. Crabtree is our pastor here and helps us see the difference:
While affirmation is a free gift with no strings attached and trusts God to bring about whatever good harvest he wishes to bring from the seed planted, flattery is a bribe, and a direct return is expected – soon.
Godly affirmation approves of Christlikeness and disapproves of anything contrary, whereas the flatterer approves anything – Christlike or not – that may achieve the desired response. (108)
Concluding thoughts
This little book has been immensely helpful for me. Crabtree not only gives us a God-centered appreciation for the value of affirmation, but an application method that is God-empowered. You cannot walk away from this book thinking you’ll make much of Jesus and the reflections of him in other people in your own strength. The Spirit is necessary for the living of this material. If you want to oil the wheels of your relationships with love and grace, if you want to have better eyes to see the activity of God in others and communicate it in compelling and loving ways, if you want to learn how to simply be a better friend, Practicing Affirmation was written for people like me and you.
If you’re interested in a few more quotes from this book, check out these two posts:
Agreeing with Atheists about god
Affirmation is the purpose of the universe
Title: Practicing Affirmation
Author: Sam Crabtree
Boards: paperback
Pages: 170
Volumes: 1
Dust jackets: n/a
Binding: sewn and glue
Topical index: yes
Scriptural index: Yes (Scripture index notations are off by 4 pages in my edition. Publisher has been alerted and subsequent printings will be corrected.)
Publisher: Crossway
Year: 2011
Price USD: $14.99 / $9.97 at WTSBooks
ISBN: 978-1-4335-2243-7
This book was provided for review by Crossway but all opinions are entirely my own.
Affirmation is the purpose of the universe
31 year ago
This month, Crossway Books is putting out Practicing Affirmation by Sam Crabtree. The moment I saw it, I immediately grabbed it up. I’m going to post my review of the book soon, but below are the passages that I found profoundly helpful from just the first two chapters of Practicing Affirmation. Encouraging others is an area I need major help in, and Crabtree has done a brilliant job in provoking my own thinking on this issue, and I hope he does for you as well.
God-centered affirmations points towards the echoes, shadows, and reality of a righteousness not intrinsic to the person being affirmed. (19)
God is a desire transformer. When he transforms our hearts, we don’t affirm others out of sheer obligation, but rather because we want to. We want them to enjoy refreshment from being affirmed that we enjoy when we are affirmed. God is the prime mover of all good affirming. (23)
Affirmation of a recognized quality in a human hints at real quality in God who stands behind it. (30)
Jesus is on a mission to receive praise (Matt. 19:28; Luke 4:15; John 8:54; 11:4; 12:23; 13-21-32; 17:1,5; Acts 3:13), even if he has to get it from rocks (Luke 19:40). And the Father is passionate for his son to receive praise – so passionate is the Father about such praise for his Son that his Son’s praiseworthiness reverberates from those who resemble him in character. Paul translates that chain reaction into a command: “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1). No glory is stolen from Christ when people imitate Paul this way. In fact, Christ’s glory is magnified and multiplied. (31)
…In the same way that Yellowstone Park is a reflection of common grace, unregenerate persons reflect graces not intrinsic to themselves. To affirm the beautify of their character is to draw attention to the undeserved grace taht God has bestowed upon them in the form of faint echoes of Jesus, even in the presence of as-of-yet unperfected flaws in those same individuals. In the providence of God, some unbelievers are actually better behaved than some believers. This behavior is God’s gift to them, not their intrinsically meritorious character. (32)
Ahh. Affirmation is like an invigorating sudsy shower after a long day of manual labor. It’s like a cool rain after a long, hot dry spell. It delivers a combination of relief, respite, hope, optimism, satisfaction, and energy. It’s life-giving. It blesses. (41)
It seems easier to practice affirmation early in relationships, and it can get harder later. Have you ever noticed in a restaurant that some couples are talkative and some are not? What happened? Generally, new relationships are still predominately affirming, but as relationships endure the years, they also endure a lot of correction. More specifically, affirmation didn’t keep up. Not enough affirmation was dished out compared with all the other messages in the relationship. A fire not stoked goes out. A refrigerator unplugged rots the eggs, which were perfectly good not too long ago. A garden not tended erupts with weeds, not vegetables. Affirmation is the fire-stoking, refrigerator-electrifying, garden-tending side of relationships. (44)
Picture human relationships as ships on water. The natural winds blow them towards the left of the continuum. Wise people give intentional proactive energy to putting relationships towards the right. (45)
Think this way: give so many affirmations as a pattern, a way of life, that you gain a reputation for it. You are known for your affirmations, not your criticisms, your corrections. (46)
A guy might be thinking, “This doesn’t come easy for me. I’m not good at it. It’s not natural for me.” But men who desire mercy from God get busy refreshing their wives. You can decide to affirm. God will help you. (47)
The drag that corrections have on a relationship is compounded by the fact that they already outweigh affirmations – they have greater impact individually. The sting of a rebuke outweighs the fresh whiff of a bouquet. A person sniffing the flowers when a bee stings quickly forgets the flowers even if the bouquet is very large. If a pattern of corrections is outweighing the affirmations, the sting stays with us, the corrections keep picking the scab. (47)
One signal that a person has tuned you out is when lightheartedness has gone out of the relationship…While loving relationships are not all about tomfoolery, people who can’t laugh together are probably very thirsty for more affirmation in the warp and woof of life together. (50-51)
Affirmations are deposits. Corrections are the checks you write against the balance in the account. (52)
Persons who are drained by depression may find a key here. One of the things a depressed person needs is mercy, and when the depressed person by faith opens his mouth and affirms others, mercy from the Lord is on the way. (54)
[P]eople are influence by those who praise them. (54)
Is it okay to bring God into our compliments? If you don’t think so, then you’re going to have a hard time with this book. Bringing God into compliments is the best way to give them. I do not mean bringing him in as an afterthought, but basing your compliments and affirmations on his character. (58)
Don’t you like to be appreciated for what you do? Then practice the Golden Rule, and appreciate others for what they do. Affirmation is what love does, doing unto others as would be desired if the shoe were on the other foot. Even God seeks affirmation, and gives it. His commending of others is in accord with the fact that God keeps his own rules, including the Golden Rule. (61)
There you have it. Now, if you just can’t wait to get the book, you can purchase it at Westminster Books for $9.52, or from Amazon for $9.67. See how nice a guy I am? Linking it for you and everything. If you’ve learned anything from this post, you should at least know that you must affirm my helpfulness. Now. Affirmation in the form of Double Stuffed Oreos is acceptable.
Agreeing with Atheists about god
21 year ago
I found it helpful, for example, when interacting with a self-proclaimed atheist to take this approach: “I can see that you’re an intelligent person. I’m inclined to think that you are interested in following the evidence wherever it goes, embracing reality, whatever it may be.” Notice that I affirmed his ability to think and gave him the benefit of the doubt that he has some measure of interest in the truth. “May I ask you to answer a question?”
Once granted permission to pose my question, I asked, “Would you be willing to descrie the god you are pretty sure you don’t believe in?” This question does several things. First, it affords me an opportunity to listen, which is both honoring to him and enlightening to me. Second, it elicits from him a clear articulation of just exactly what it is he denies, an exercise that helps me undersatnd his mental obstacles and helps him rethink his own objections as he spells them out. After all, if we are going to have differences, it will be helfup to know exactly (and not merely imagine) where they lie. Third, it – surprisingly, to him – revealed common ground. You see the puzzles and startled look on their faces when I say to self-professed atheists who know I am a God-fearing Christian, “I don’t believe in that god either.” We still have a difference, and we both know it. But at this point, he knows I treat him with respect as a thinking human being and that we actually have some thinking in common. We have something in common to build on. I don’t believe in that god either, but now we may want to talk about the kind of God I do believe in.
Practicing Affirmation: God-Centered Praise of Those Who Are Not God by Sam Crabtree, 21-22.
