mercy

I recently bought Sufjan Steven’s Illinois album with some good Christmas money (there’s the bad kind which consists of gift cards to Macy’s and such girly places). One of my favorite songs on it I’ve liked for a while was “John Wayne Gacy, Jr.”, an acoustically driven, contemplative, eerie song (video here). I just liked the song before, but after hearing it a few times, I looked the album up on Wikipedia, and began reading about this song. So after following a couple links, I ended up reading the wiki page about the man John Wayne Gacy, Jr. The short of the story about him is this: A perverse, wicked man down to the core who abducted, raped, and murdered 33 (or more) young boys in the Chicago area in the late 1970′s, and buried the bodies under his house. After reading the article, and then reading over Sufjan’s lyrics again, the song took on a deeper, more sober flavor for me. The song basically fallows Gacy’s life and murders, but at the end Sufjan takes a different turn with the song. His last verse says:

And in my best behavior
I am really just like him
Look beneath the floorboards
For the secrets I have hid

What a comment about radical depravity! What Sufjan does here is takes this picture of a man that we are all (rightfully) repulsed by, turns it around and reveals the mirror on the other side. As much as John Wayne Gacy was a serial killer, so am I. Isn’t this what Jesus says in the sermon on the mount? Jesus says there: “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire” (Matthew 5:21,22). James, his brother, picks up on this later and says, “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder” (James 4:1,2). The reality is this: While I haven’t physically acted out the murders physically, the moral weight of committing them rests upon me because I’m a serial killer in my heart.

Angry at Michelle for “getting in my way”? Murderer. Angry at a brother for not doing things my way? Murderer. Angry at a comment that makes me look bad? Murderer. Angry at co-worker for a mistake that costs me time. Murderer. Angry at God for not having my desires? Attempted divine murder. You may not realize it, but I’m a walking serial killer, taking every person out, left and right, who doesn’t recognize me as god. I’m a serial killer; there’s really no difference between me and Gacy.

Oh, but thank God for Jesus. “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Corinthians 5:21). Jesus took my murderous guilt upon himself, out of love for me, and satisfied God’s white hot holy wrath against me! This is not history 2,000 years ago, this isn’t aloft doctrine or theory, this is very personal. My sin, the internal hand stabbing my wife, my brother, my friend in the heart – he took the guilt of that hand, and put it on like a coat, turned to the Father and said, “Give the deserved wrath to me instead.” If you’ve ever wondered what “Gospel” means, this is the Gospel – Jesus Christ dying for sinners our of sheer love, grace, and mercy.

Take the picture of John Wayne Gacy, Jr. my friend, turn it around, and see the mirror; you’re really just like him. Don’t stop there, look to Jesus; God takes the mirror away, and replaces it with love, joy, and forgiveness in the face of Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 4:6).