Growing in Christ
godliness
Prizing Christ for lasting pleasure
01 year ago
If we are prizers of Christ, then we take great pleasure in Christ. What joy a man takes in that which he counts his treasure! He who prizes Christ makes him his greatest joy. [A godly man] can delight in Christ when other delights have gone: ‘Although the fig tree shall not blossom, yet I will rejoice in the Lord’ (Hab. 3:17, 18). Though a flower in a man’s garden dies, he can still delight in his money and jewels. He who esteems Christ can solace himself in Christ when there is an autumn on all other comforts.
The Godly Man’s Picture by Thomas Watson, p. 52
Those who enjoy pleasure – which we all do! – will find their pleasure seeking invigorated and satisfied in Jesus. This means that we look to his Word for instruction on how to direct our desires for pleasure and joy. Trusting his word, and acting upon it, we find joy that satisfies even into the dark moments of life. Winter and suffering will come upon the soul. Christianity does not mask the trials of life with happy-face make up. There is a joy to be had in Christ, even in suffering, trials, and weakness, because He is a comforting God, who comes near to us in refreshing, sustaining, glorious love that is only found in Christ. Because God is pure joy in himself, when we lean on Christ, we will find the happiest and most difficult moments of life filled with the fellowship, joy, and comfort of the Almighty. In prizing Christ, we are prizing God, and God is always near to satisfy us like he satisfies himself: with joy and unending life.
How precious is your steadfast love, O God!
The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
They feast on the abundance of your house,
and you give them drink from the river of your delights.
For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light do we see light. ~Psalm 36:7-9
Men, no more excuses.
01 year ago
I will confess: I tweet. I tweet in the twitterverse to all my tweeps and thoroughly enjoy it. According to a recent study, my twitter status is Spartan; which basically means I’m an ancient Roman ninja when it comes to twitter. Just think about that before you comment. With this fact out of the way, we can now proceed.
A little while ago, a pastor I follow on twitter tweeted something that struck me. I’m not used to tweets being very provocative. They typically stay with me for about 5 seconds, or 11 if they’re a good joke. But this particular post struck me and has stayed with me:
I began to mull this one over and found it continually helpful and clarifying. The thought is simply this: Men take responsibility for their actions. Men are called to lead and accept the consequences. When a man makes excuses for the results of his actions, he abdicates the responsibility and leadership God has called him to have.
In thinking through this, I began to see how subtly I make excuses. It’s not entirely my fault that I’m a jerk to my wife on a bad day of work – work made me do it. It’s not entirely my fault when I lust after other women – my body made me do it. It’s not entirely my fault when I’m in a crabby mood – it’s the universe’s fault for not submitting to my sovereign authority. It’s not my fault that I tail-gate bad drivers on the road – it’s their fault for being bad drivers.
I really began to see how much I embrace a culture of excuses when last week, I noticed that on a particularly stressful day of work, my wife in trying to help me offered me back some of the excuses I had taught her for my actions. Um… ouch. Talk about leadership in the home.
It’s interesting, isn’t it, that the first fruit of sin to be recorded coming out of the first man’s mouth is an excuse: It wasn’t me, it was that woman you gave me!!!!! Talk about a masculine subtraction.
Part of what I’ve done is simply to stop dead in my tracks when I feel my soul begin to do a “Yea! But!” about anything I do. I don’t think this issue is particular to masculine identity – women are excusers too – but I think it’s particularly important to the masculine identity. Men are called to lead, they are called to set initiatives and make judgements out of love for God and people to serve others. As leaders, responsibility is inherently more on their shoulders than those who are led. If something goes right, leaders get the credit; if something goes wrong, leaders get the blame.
I think this is where the Gospel is massively important to how we apply this. The Gospel says: You are responsible for your sin, and you absolutely deserve God’s eternal wrath for your actions. You’re responsible. You’re to blame. You can’t get out of it. That is, until God decides to take responsibility for things he hasn’t done. Jesus steps in, and out of love, he takes the initiative to take the hit of God’s eternal wrath for what we’re responsible for. Out of love, Jesus as the perfectly masculine man is defamed by taking the place of our sin so that we can have what he’s responsible for: life, joy, love. This is why Paul says “For our sake [God] made him (Jesus) to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God”.
In admitting my failure as a man to be responsible for my actions, I can only survive to grow in being a man by going to the Perfect Man for grace. So yes, I should subtract something from my manhood when I make excuses, and I should take that as conviction of sin and go to God. He is eager to forgive me because Christ has taken the punishment I deserve for my infraction. He’s eager to give grace to the weak – weak men who are excuse makers – so that they might become men strong in Christ.
I wonder how much more grace I will know and enjoy when I humbly confess that I’ve failed, take responsibility for my actions, and cast myself on a gracious and loving God? What sort of man will I become?
Ode to an Ordinary Pastor
01 year ago
Do you ever have those moments when you’re about five seconds into them and realize the gravity of the universe feels like it got turned up to volume 11? You know, when the moment suddenly got heavier than you’d expected and there’s nothing you can do. You’re in now.
Sunday I had the pleasure of accompanying one of my pastors to visit a sister-church in the area. A church that’s been faithful to the Gospel and was celebrating a major anniversary. After the church service my friend and I went out to lunch with the senior pastor of this church.
I was sitting there with two godly men who’ve known each other for a number of years. They’ve walked through trials before together. They’ve been brothers in the war of the Gospel together. They began to converse about how the soul of this pastor was doing. My friend asked good questions. The other man was open and honest. And there I was, being sucked along into one of the most holy, unforgettable moments of my life.
Sometimes I want to make godliness and holiness into these attributes of extraordinary feats and victories for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Maybe it’s the halo thing I’m looking for, or that radiance from the face of Moses that’s just so visually impressive, one can’t help but give glory to God. But sitting in front of me was the living, breathing godly pastor who sat in real time, in real clothes, with a real Savior and no need for a halo. He loved holiness and loved to follow his Lord Jesus.
They talked about the deep trials he has been going through with his family and his hopes and vision for the future of the church. I think this is where the Latin term “grave” or “gravity” comes into play. The moments were grave. The gravity of our time together was filled with the God of the universe; weighty in their simultaneous strength in the Lord and tenderness to depend completely on him. People will functionally learn the Gospel by trial either in marriage or family said my friend. And for pastors, I don’t know why, but it’s typically in their parenting.
To be honest, the moments weren’t filled up with so much awe at the men themselves. They’re just men, that’s why I don’t mention their names… it’s kind of irrelevant. They were ordinary pastors. But there was the flavor of Christ about them. Filled with confidence in Christ and the truths of the Gospel.
That said, the presence of God in this man’s faithfulness was over powering. A man who knows suffering and trial, but rich fruit in long, faithful pastoring in a local church. He’s seen the battles, he’s in the battles. My friend encouraged him that the fruit he’s receiving in his life with his church is because he did what many pastors don’t do: He stuck it out. He stuck it out for the long haul with his church to see God work in their lives over years and years and years. One has to wonder: If a pastor never knows what it means to be “in and out of season” (2 Tim. 4:2) in his ministry at a church, has he really been serving that church long enough?
This man did. The gravity of the moment was the severity of how firmly God was known and believed. This wasn’t a conference on doctrine. It wasn’t a pep talk. It was the opening of the soul to a brother and receiving comfort and counsel from years together because of their partnership in the Gospel of Jesus Christ together (Phil. 1:8). God was in that moment with these men. I was the punk kid sitting in the booth with them.
I don’t know… the time was massively instructive to me in seeing two men care for one’s soul in his faithful service to Christ. I mean, seminary was great, but I didn’t see that there. There’s a tangible, earthiness to the Gospel when it’s believed and treasured by regular people. This Sunday was a moment where I tasted and saw that faithfulness to the Lord is a pleasure only known in years upon years upon years of serving Him.
I got the same sense when I read Memiors of an Ordinary Pastor by D.A. Carson about his dad’s life and ministry. Such holiness and gravity. It’s sobering to be in the presence of. Most people won’t be remembered, but it’s the ordinary pastors who do great things for the kingdom. If you haven’t read this book, you should. Pastoral hope’s or not, every Christian should desire to simply be faithful – faithful to the end with their Lord Jesus.
Desiring godliness this year as a family
0Our Once a Year Date was blessed by the Lord and opened up some helpful observations about our life together and direction for where God is leading.
…the crown of her husband
This year has was marked by several turns were weren’t expecting. We ended the year having walked through answered prayers of joy for a pregnancy, and the sorrow of a miscarriage. We’ve rejoiced with several friends over their pregnancies and new children added to their family. These things don’t need to be drawn out, but they are major things. Through all of it, God has shown himself glorious and faithful. Jesus has been good to us. I’ve seen how our wedding text, Romans 8:18-39, was the exact text for our marriage, and how God is proving himself true to it’s claims.
One of the fruits of this past year is that we have grown to deeply rely and lean on each other. Michelle is the crown of my head and the shoulder I cry on. This isn’t just about children or pregnancy. In all areas of life we’ve grown to delight in each other, through pleasure and pain.
…be diligent to be found by him
One of the major things we saw lacking this past year was diligence. Life is very easily comfortable. Our schedule isn’t crazy. In reality, we’re just easily lazy – I am lazy. We’ve tried to do family worship before, but I’m not faithful to keep us on task. While it’s partly a discipline thing, it’s also an affection thing. If I were honest, I really just don’t desire the things of God that much. That impacts the character and flavor of my home.
Thus, we’re looking to this year with a major desire for diligence in knowing God. Diligence in prayer. Diligence in memorizing scripture. Diligence in desiring the spiritual gifts. Diligence in godliness.
Godliness is one of the things that I have been reflecting on. My deep-rooted love for the world and worldliness have become clear to me this past year. I love the world, and I love being involved in knowing all things about the world. Thus, my love for the things of God and his world are anemic. (“The love of the Father is not in you…”) My sins and desires influence my family. It’s just us right now, but it won’t be forever.
…and he will draw near to you
Therefore we need a plan. There are three categories I’m aiming to do this year: Reading, Memorizing, and Leading. In reading, I’ve set to read more on godliness and worldliness (obvious step, I know). I’m currently formulating the list of books to work through this year and will post it soon. But thankfully my wife got me Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor by D.A. Carson. If anything, this book is enough and should be read by all Christians. Tom Carson’s example is beyond compelling. In desiring godliness, I must desire faithfulness.
I will also be adding Scripture Memory to my plan this year. Over the next 6 months I’m going to memorize the entire book of Colossians. Michelle will be doing this with me. I will take two mornings a week and substitute scripture memorizing into my plan instead of my regular Bible reading. In doing this, I know the Word of God will transform my mind and renew my affections for the things of God (Romans 12:1-2).
For our family, I’m not changing much but simply solidifying what we already have in place. The most regular and uninterrupted time of our day and week is dinner time. This tends to fluctuate because I have not been faithful to leave work on time. So, what I’m directing us to do is to have dinner at 6pm every night, which means I need to be faithful to leave work on time. With dinner at 6, we’ve going to incorporate some scripture reading and prayer together at the end of dinner. The scripture reading will simply follow along with whatever our pastors are preaching on at church. We’ll be going through Acts soon, so we’ll just art reading Acts through and through in this time.
I write all this up for personal discipline. This has all been thought out in my head, put on the table at date nights, and put in my journal. It hasn’t all been gathered into one place. I’m counting on a big God to make major changes in our family this year. I want the aroma of our home to be Christ. I want him in our family more clearly. I want Him. With whatever the Lord Jesus has for us in this coming year, we know he has our conformity to his image in mind. These plans have His character in mind. If we come to mind, I would covet your prayers for us on this.
For 2010 A.D.
Soli Deo Gloria
The Once a Year Date Night
02 years ago
One a year Michelle and I have one big date. We do regular date nights, one a week that is set into the budget. But this date is different. It’s a special restaurant, the type we could really only afford once a year. For now we call it the “Young Year in Review Date”. It’s a big deal. We’ve done this every year’s end since we’ve been married. We’ve been married a staggering two and a half years, so this was our third YYRD.
Structure
On the date, we go over a set of questions that I think through before hand. Rarely are they specific. They are questions seeking to look at the major themes of the past year, analyze what happened (positively and negatively) and from this discern what direction God is leading us for the year to come. The questions themselves aren’t rocket science (I went to public school you know).
I started us out by simply looking at what we’ve learned in the past year. Here, there were three simply categories: self, marriage, church. These are in some ways just following categories of responsibility (following C.J. Mahaney’s simple outline on productivity). We don’t have children, and our responsibilities with our jobs are relatively small; the struggles we do have with them fall more under personal issues than work-related (i.e. I’m lazy v. my boss asking me to work 70+ hours p/week). Under self, we talked through where we saw grace, growth, weakness and life with God. Under marriage, we talked through growth and challenges. Under church, we addressed what the most impacting sermons were of the year (and why), how things are in our community group, and the issue of sense of pastoral calling. Each of these are interconnected, and in some ways it’s helpful to answer the questions for each other when possible – especially to identify evidences of grace. (As a note here, the question of the most impacting sermons of the year really opened up a helpful window into God’s activity in our lives over the past year. I highly recommend the question for mediation.)
This set of questions provided a good amount of conversation, some interesting insights into ourselves, each other, our marriage, and the goodness of our Heavenly Father. The questions from here were: How did I do in romancing Michelle this year? (How can I grow? Are there habits/traditions I can put into place to grow this area?) What are our financial goals for this year? (If a couple has debt, this must be a priority in family budgeting. Debt must die, or a family is seriously hindered in serving God in many ways. Dave Ramsey’s material is very helpful in getting clear vision on this front.)
From here, we moved into a forward eye about the year to come. Essentially, we just took the conclusions and observations from looking at what we learned about the year past and asked, in light of all of this, Where do we think God is leading us to grow in the coming year? I know, pure brilliance. That, my friends, is Alabama education at it’s finest. This category is the area to address where we’ve seen sin and how God has been growing us to seek his grace for change. It’s also the place to think about what major decisions are coming up and the growth need (individually and maritally) to meet those challenges.
Resources
If you’re having trouble producing constructive thoughts on the material above, I’d recommend working through these books to prompt some thinking:
Living the Cross Centered Life by C.J. Mahaney
Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God by C.J. Mahaney
-> Or: When Sinners Say, “I Do” by Dave Harvey
Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor by D.A. Carson
A Godly Man’s Picture by Thomas Watson
I would also recommend reading Christian biography. Kierkegaard comments that we should read biographies not for information, but as examples of how to live. Carson’s book about his dad is one of the best on this very subject for all Christians, not just pastors.
Final Thought
For us, this practice helps us center and focus our marriage in the year to come. If you’re single, I think the principles still apply, and the Spirit can move mightily in personal mediation to give direction. But it might be helpful to draw a pastor or close friend in who has a keen eye on your soul. The discipline here is stems from being aware of your life, having a sense of your quickly immanet death, and seeks to “redeem the time” by consciously bringing it before the thrown of grace. We do not drift towards God. We must fight. The discipline should be done, in one form or another, by everyone. But in the end, our hope is not in our analysis, nor in our vision, but in Jesus’ finished work on the cross. Any sight of grace is an awareness of the blood of Christ for his people and an opportunity for gratitude, worship, and amazement.
I will be posting our thoughts on these questions in the days to come. Stay tuned!
By His Divine Power: 2 Peter 1:3-4
02 years ago
This is a diagram that I drew up in my devotion time this morning. 2 Peter 1:1-11 was on the docket, and after a few reads, verses three through four really stuck out to me as a profoundly God-centered logical flow of thought (surprise, surprise – it’s in the Bible!), so drew what I saw. The verse itself reads:
His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.
These diagrams help me to unpack what is being said. What Peter is getting at is quite profound. Notice the flow of thought:
- God initiates his divine power, he gives it freely. There are not conditions for it – save being a sinner! – and he has given it, as we learn in v. 2, in Jesus Christ to us. This is on God’s initiative. There is no invitation from man, “Hey God, we’re kinda hating you right now. Mind doing something about that?” God initiates his love without any inclination of interest in those he initiates towards. This is the wonder of Free Grace.
- It is given so that we might A) Have knowledge of him, Jesus, and B) have something through it. Stop for a moment. God freely gives knowledge of himself (implicitly this is saving knowledge of him), not just to be impressed by God, but to have something. God is giving people who have committed treason against him treasures out of his glory. He is giving traitors that which they should have given him. Do you see the free, amazing, glorious grace involved here? Not only is God initiating something, but he’s initiating with a purpose to bless and give. That’s two givings of grace, if you’re counting, to people who deserved nothing!
- God’s power intends life changing effects. This is simply amazing. God doesn’t just send Jesus to give us a ticket out of Hell (to use the phrase), but he saves us to be like him “in life and godliness.” To be a Christian is to grow, and desire to grow, in godliness. Moreover, it is through the knowledge that God gives that we receive “all things that pertain to life and godliness.” It is not through 10 steps, it is not through accountability programs, it is first and primarily about seeing and knowing something that God gives. That something is Jesus Christ in the Gospel – his death for our sin, his taking of the wrath we deserve, his actual death and actual resurrection, his victory and reign over Satan, sin, and death. It is not in participating in some way that we receive “all things that pertain to life and godliness”, it is through seeing and knowing. We don’t do anything to get right with God, thus we don’t do anything to merit the ability to grow in grace. All we do is see Jesus Christ, in all that is and all that he has done, and in that we grow in our love for him, have our minds and hearts changed by that sight, and thus simply by believing in Jesus we receive the power to grow in godliness.
- Change comes through God’s promises. Not only are we saved by God’s self-initiated grace and mercy, but God also gave in ages past his promises about his name and goodness to those who repent and believe in him. Thus, when we do repent and believe in Jesus Christ through knowing his Gospel and seeing its goodness, “all the promises of God find their Yes in him” (2 Corinthians 1:20). And it is God’s already existing promises of mercy and goodness that cause change in us. We believe in God’s ability to do what he has said because God fulfilled his great promise of redemption (Genesis 3:15) in Jesus Christ; thus we know that all his subsequent promises are also “Yes!”.
- His grace sent to make us partake of him. The aim of God’s divine power (#1) is to bring us near to him and partake of himself. The extent of this “partakers of divine nature” is deep, but I think a part of what is in view is holiness. God brings us, those rebels who once hated him and were full of “sinful desire” are now brought near to God by his own initiative and grace to be “partakers of divine nature”. Stop for a moment and wonder at this! What wondrous grace is this. “My song is love unknown, My Saviour’s love to me; Love to the loveless shown, That they might lovely be. O who am I, that for my sake, My Lord should take frail flesh and die?”
- As a final strand, We escaped because he called. Lest we should boast in ourselves in any of this, Peter makes the strand in this verse that we escaped the corruption of the world in its sinful desires (which we freely partook of) only because God “called us to his own glory and excellence.” This call that he gave was effectual. It changed our minds, it set our feet on a path, gave us fuel to walk, and an aim to end in.
What grace from God. Let his name be praised for his amazing grace.
Blessedness in Walking in the Law
02 years ago
I so was challenged yesterday by reading of the example of David Platt that I’ve been reinvigorated to memorize Psalm 119. So in my steps on verse one this morning I wanted to make a small note.
Blessed are those whose way is blameless,
who walk in the law of the Lord! ~ Psalm 119:1
What I noted and chewed on here is that those who are called blessed are those who walk in the law of the Lord. Blessedness is in the obedience. There is the overwhelming temptation to feel that we must walk in obedience, grit and grind out teach through it so that we might eventually wind up in happiness in God (blessedness). No, that is not right. To obey God is to enjoy God, to be blessed and delighting in him. Why? Because we are submitting to and enjoying his Law, not our own law. This is what Paul talks about in Romans 8:13 when he says, “if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.” David clearly realized his own need for God to help him walk in the Law of God (v.8). Thus, we see with David that the blessed one is he who walks in the Law of God by the power of God to enjoy God in so doing. It truly is a delight to follow God’s law, to forsake out own cravings and desires and find God meeting us with deeper, righter pleasures because his law is founded in him. In walking in God’s law, we enjoy God.
I love Psalm 119…
02 years ago
I just want to say that I love Psalm 119. For about the last month I’ve been committing a section of it to memory, verses 33-40 (and am tempted to do the whole thing!). This is mainly because I saw my own heart confronted and turned to God by the middle line, “Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things, and give me life in your ways!” I liked the whole section which gives me hope for growth in holiness, so I hunkered down in the section to memorize it. A part of this has been making the whole psalm itself my evening devotion, one little verse at a time, right before I go to bed. Charles Spurgeon has a “devotional commentary” on this that I got for free once that I have been reading little by little along with this time (available for purchase here, and for free online reading here).
There have been two main reasons why I have grown in my love for this psalm.
The first is that in seeking to memorize verses 33 through 40, I have had a lot of time to reflect on the structure of the psalm. A quick glance at the psalm shows a lot of activity being done in the section: Teach, Give, Lead, Incline, Turn, Confirm, Turn, and Behold. But the key to the section is seeing the active agent in these verbs: God. David prays for great things (not only to keep the path of God’s law with a pure and whole heart to the end of his life, but also to delight in it, enjoy it, and to feel the weight of God’s glory and holiness), but we should note that it is the Lord that he demands to be the source of its affectation. “Teach me, O Lord… and I will thus, and only by your divine, gracious teaching, keep your holy way to the end.” This isn’t a legalism of giving thanks to God for producing the fruit and taking credit for it (like the Pharisee of Luke 18:9-14). It is an acknowledgment that apart from God, he sucks and will continue to in depravity if God does not teach him in his school of grace that changes people for life, continually, all to the glory of God. This is all from the explicit and implicit things being said in the structure of the section. Another is verse 36: “Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!” My selfish gain is being contrasted with God’s testimonies – his redemptive history. What does this say about what I am trying to do in celebrating my own achievements and fame? That’s what the structure of God’s holy Word here is asking us to ponder.
The second reason is that I’ve seen God’s power working in my through this time I’ve committed to memorization and meditation. Subtly, and unintentionally, I’ve noticed that the “furniture” of my mind has been shifted. I have noticed in retrospect how the language of 119 has come out in my prayers. I find that the psalm comes to mind in not only fighting temptations (i.e. “turn my eyes from looking at worthless things” is a pretty good measuring rod to evaluate my internet activity by…ahem, Facebook?). It’s also subtly changed my inherent, gut desires for holiness. I find my mind going more towards spiritual affections for Christ as expressed in this section of Scripture (i.e. the “promise” of verse 38 refers to God’s covenant with David in 2 Samuel 7, which is realized in Jesus Christ – talk about giving me hope!).
The Word of God has been more deeply lovely to me. It has been, as Jesus prayed, been my sanctification because it is the very truth of God (John 17:17). God’s word is living and active, and meditating on it has been a banquet of grace for the stirring of my soul for a deeper love for Jesus Christ that is filled with the glory of God.
So, I’m going to seminary…
03 years ago
So, I’m going to seminary. Indeed, danger is afoot, but thankfully, in whatever I bring to the task, Jesus has promised that the gates of Hell shall never conquer his kingdom. I therefore anticipate a great crusade of grace upon this man’s heart. The honor of going to seminary has been a long desire of mine, and one that I have given much thought to over the last six years. What I’d like to do here on the blog is work out a few of those things, hopefully to the benefit of those who read. At the moment I have a total of four posts in mind (including this one) though that may get stretched if I realize certain things are not fit for particular headings. Anyhow, so on to the first:
How I got here.
This process, while not very long (five years is a dust of time to God), there have been many unexpected turns, which I hope to keep to a minimum here. I grew up in the United Methodist Church, and at the end of high school, going into college, had the sense of call and the coupled ambition to go to seminary after undergraduate studies to be ordained as pastor. This, for me, meant an immediate insertion into the ordination process to discuss and discern a pastoral calling. In addition, I was already looking at seminaries – yes, even requesting information – as a freshman, anticipating the next step in the journey, even as my present foot was just hitting the dust of the current place.
Over the next few years, several events happened almost all at once that turned my direction. The first was a family crisis that turned my head from the Open Theistic view of God that I had to the Reformed teachings. This was mainly through John Piper’s teaching and ministry. This turned my theological perspective from the Weslyan, Arminian tradition and view, to the Reformed, Calvinist tradition, with the spice of spiritual gifts, just to make things fun. Through Piper and another friend, I was introduced to C.J. Mahaney and Sovereign Grace Ministries (SGM) – guys who were like me, mainly Reformed Baptists who prayed in tongues and prophesied all over the place.
During this time, my thoughts about the nature of the church began to shift. I had previously been giving most of my time and energy to the local Wesley Foundation (the UMC’s college ministry), meanwhile not really investing much into the local church. The college ministry basically consisted of young adults from various backgrounds, all in the 18-23 age range. But what I was seeing in the NT for fellowship and the context for normal Christian life was the local church, filled with people at various stages and seasons of life, where the Scriptures were regularly preached, and where appointed elders lead the people. I didn’t see a call to segregate a particular age group away from that local church to minister to itself, but rather each member contributing to, and being disciple by, the members within the local church body. So, with this stirring in my heart, I started to pull away from the college ministries I was involved in and joined a local Reformed Baptist Church (that I dearly love to this day!) that had this same vision, of a true “life together” under the Word of God in loving fellowship.
Coupled with this was a revisioning of pastoral ministry. The bread and butter of what I had been raised in was to set a course on what God was calling you to, and make a b-line towards that. For me, and I would wager a large number of my pears, this meant that one announced their pastoral calling and moved towards that. Now of course there were things set in place to avoid ordaining non-called people, but there was not much of an emphasis on a communal sense of calling for pastoral ministry, it was more about one’s personal desire, regardless of the heart’s motivation. What I began to see in the NT was men being given a personal sense of call to pastoral ministry that was evaluated and discerned in the context of the local church where people could probe those desires. The pastors of the church were lifted up by the church (both congregation and leadership). This perspective was informed largely by meditation on Scripture, but was also helped and clarified by a little booklet put out by SGM entitled, Am I Called? I should note here that in retrospect, I should have involved the community that I was a part of within the college ministry more than I did – a lack of application of what I was learning here, and a good mixture of pride.
The things that fell into place for me, the mental furnature if you will, were that I was engaged to be married, and nearing graduation. What was to come began to be dictated by the desires we had. We started looking into SGM, and decided that we should pare up cities with both great theological institutions and Sovereign Grace churches. To make this short, this eventually lead to me visiting Covenant Fellowship Church, just outside Philadelphia which housed Westminster Theological Seminary. From this visit, and a subsequent visit to a SGM church in North Carolina for Michelle to get the flavor of what they were about, we felt that God was leading us to move to the Philly area to join Covenant Fellowship. What also happened during this time was a sense that I should put off seminary work for the time being, and set my focus on getting married (and learning to be a husband), moving us to Philly, and becoming active members at our new local church.
So, skip into the summer of 2007, we were now married, moved, and members of Covenant Fellowship. But there I was, still wrestling with thoughts and desires for seminary work. So a pastor and I got together for lunch where I got telling him about my thoughts. His guidance was to continue as we were in the church – active and growing – and to join in on the discipleship groups they were doing called GROW. The purpose of those groups was to help people in their basic Christian discipleship to Jesus Christ, and to give a closer context for pastors to see if members were called to leadership within the church (any type of leadership, not just pastoral). This then ended and moved into INVEST, which was more intentionally focused on leadership development for members who the pastors wanted to train more “hands on”.
All of this transpired over a 2ish year period. What occurred in my heart over that time was profound grace from a gracious God to a deeply entrenched, demanding sinner. Through the process I realized that I had simply made an idol of seminary. That was the place that competent people like me deserved to go – we deserved schooling so that we can help all of yous! Why wasn’t God giving me what I wanted! I just simply wanted to give him glory! What a fool I was! Some friends of mine also began to comment that it seemed like I viewed my present season as a waste of time. This all was a part of God exposing my discontentment in his plans for me. I wanted the things of God when I wanted them regardless of what was inconsistent with those things in my own life. How can a man be a tool of God when he’s not been effected by God? I began to see how I wasn’t serving my wife, nor giving serious attention to her spiritual growth. I was mainly jealous for ministry for vain glory. I was constantly anxious about what the pastors were thinking about out ministry future – even judging them, supposing that they didn’t see a pastoral calling. This was the spin of my deceitful heart – completely neglecting the Gospel in engaging my view of life and others. All of this simply from a differed desire for seminary!
So, over the last two years I have been in “the school of grace.” I’ve seen how first and foremost, my time with God, my heart and mind before him in confession and worship, are of primary important. From there, my delightfully role of being Michelle’s husband is my primary. If I fail at being a husband, I fail everything. I have grown in my desire be a godly husband, and by the grace of the Gospel, I have seen growth. Further, I’ve grown in my contentment to not be celebrated or seen, but to simply serve in obscurity in my church – either taking meals to others, growing in deeper relationships with my friends, or simply setting up chairs at church. My friends who have been the key means of grace in this area are Jace and Jenny Hudson, and Brandon and Anya Page. These are four people that I think the world of, and consider them my closest friends. They are each examples of Christians living godly lives in obscurity, all the while being massive examples of the victory of the cross of Jesus Christ before my eyes.
So, now to the “I’m going to seminary part”. Over the last year, Jim Donohue (the pastor I’ve been in an INVEST group with) and I have been talking about pastoral yearnings in my heart. In addition, Jim’s had the time to see gifting and leadership in my life that has given him fuel for thought in where God might be calling me. But along the way, Jim and I have gotten to know each other, and Michelle and I have received loads of grace through Jim having observations on our life and marriage that have helped us see sin and grow in grace. Through this time, almost every spring, I hit the desire, “Should I apply for seminary?” Jim and I got together a couple months ago to talk about how to deploy us in the church, during which we talked about desires I had and his observations on gifting. It actually was very helpful because we both started talking about if I should do seminary work. This conversation lead to us seeing that it would seem that God is leading me to do seminary work given the gifts he’s given me, and the way folks within the church have benefited from those gifts. What I find profoundly deep about this decision is that it came out of a communal recognition, stirred by my own desires, and lead wisely by pastors.
Subsequently to that conversation, I applied to Westminster Theological Seminary here in Philadelphia, and was accepted for their Master of Arts in Religion degree with a focus on Theological Studies. So, after a long trail turned around, the issue wasn’t so much of getting into seminary, but God getting his perspective on it into my heart. Honestly, at this point, I could take or leave seminary work. I’m excited about it, and look forward to the task, but it’s no longer an idol for me. At this point, I’ll be taking one class this fall (Prolegoma to Theology), but if through that we feel that this isn’t what God’s leading me to, I’ll step out. A theological degree is intended to serve the treasuring of Jesus Christ in my own soul, and to help me be used to stir the same treasuring in other people. It is not intended to make me more important, but rather, cause me to decrease that Christ may increase. Going into the great honor of seminary, I honestly desire what I didn’t before – the glory of my precious Savior, Jesus Christ, to be seen and known in my life, in the life of his people, and to those still in rebellion to him.
The Evil of the Press Against Christianity
03 years ago
“The whole evil in the daily press consists in its being calculated to make the passing moment a thousand or ten thousand times more inflated than it really is. But all moral elevation consists first and foremost in being weaned from the momentary. There has never been a power so diametrically opposed to Christianity as the daily press.” ~ Søren Kierkegaard
This is a quote from Kierkegaard that I thought a lot about while on vacation. Let me first say that I think that the ability to report news is a gift from God. It is helpful to know how your friend is doing, it is helpful to know what the church is suffering in other areas, it is helpful to know a nation’s declared war, etc. However, in the case of all mass media, it’s main aim is to grab one’s attention, and transfix them to the exclusion of all other things on their interpretation and report of the present events under the guise of “being an informed person” (which is their deceptive play to our prideful hearts). The Scriptures call us to have a prophetic vision and voice in this world – that is, seeing and interpreting the world through God’s eyes. We are called as Christians to see things in their transcendent and universal realities, namely in terms of the kingdom of Satan and the Kingdom of God (1 John 5:19). We are thus called to act in those terms, be consumed with those realities, and press towards the kingdom to come. Mass media has the explicit aim of distracting our attention onto the present events with a vain and hopeless fanatic attention to constant “reports”. One need only see how consumed Christians get with the news to see this happening. Thus, I think the mass media is a great and vile enemy to the Christian faith. Do we forsake it? I’m inclined to say we should since its usually nonsense on it anyways, but I think the sober evaluation is to see the enemy and grow in discernment. Christians do not need the daily news quite as much as they think they do.
