Growing in Christ
faithfulness
God’s Faithfulness, Infertility, and Miscarriage
51 year ago
We were recently asked to write up a testimony about our experience through infertility and a miscarriage to encourage our local church. The voice is a little different than my usual writing here. Feel free to comment or share your experience.
We got married in May 2007, just days after we both graduated from college. We loved being married and eagerly anticipated the day when God would give us children. After a year of marriage we began to start trying for children and though we prayed that God would give us a baby soon, month after month went by and we still weren’t pregnant.
While it seemed that everybody around us was getting pregnant and having babies, we were rounding the corner of infertility for over a year, waiting month after month for a gift that God seemed to be withholding indefinitely.
After just over a year we went to a doctor to get everything checked out only to find out that nothing was wrong. We began taking some medicine to help increase our chances of getting pregnant. After a few months of medical assistance, we found out that we were pregnant, in all places, at Disney World. We eagerly shared the news with our close friends and family who had been faithfully praying for us and caring for us. However, when we were six weeks pregnant we miscarried.
These were very difficult days for us. We had stood, mustering up as much joy as we could in watching many receive the very gift of children that we so desired, and when we did receive that gift, God took it away. Why was our Father doing this?
The wound of the infertility and miscarriage was very deep, and those days were very dark. Through this time, the Lord specifically spoke through his Word to comfort us. It began with the preached Word we had heard just the Sunday before our miscarriage that because of our sure hope in Christ, “we do not grieve as those who have no hope”. Our sorrow was bitter because the effects and outfall of sin in the world is bitter. But Christ is a hope-giving Savior, and in many ways the Resurrection became more precious to us, when we would say good-bye to this fallen world and be with Jesus.
The Lord also spoke to us through the Psalms. Through psalms like Psalm 16, 121, 130, 27, 73, the Lord spoke to us not minimizing our suffering, but turning our gaze to Him. It was only through looking at the glory and character of God that we found comfort in that time. Through seeing who Christ is – that he is a loving, caring, gracious, sovereign, all ways faithful God – did we have a standing place amidst the storm and confusion of the sorrow.
And, again, the preached Word was a primary means of grace. As we were working through life after all of this, our pastors preached through Words of Comfort, and through Isaiah 40 we experienced the humbling joy of knowing Christ our great Comforter. Through all of this, God was showing us that though our trial was difficult, God was still faithful because he was the true God who never fails to walk through his people’s trials with them and work their circumstances for their joy.
After losing our baby we decided to continue trying to get pregnant and using the medicine. After several more unsuccessful months we began praying about whether or not God was calling us to adoption. Even before we got married we have had a heart to adopt, but we assumed that would be when we were a little older and already had some experience as parents. At this point we were still trying to get pregnant, but we knew that we only had another month that we could continue taking the medicine we were using.
As we prayed about this we felt God give us peace, not as to whether we should start the adoption process or not, but peace that he would direct our steps. God was again drawing our attention to himself, to see Christ and know his presence with us, to see God as our faithful God.
As it so happens, we did conceive a healthy baby that month, and welcomed Owen Scott into our family on October 18, 2010.
Owen is a small expression of the hope of Psalm 27 that “We shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” Through this whole trial and journey, we have continually looked upon God’s faithfulness to us. He’s continually drawn us to see Jesus Christ, our Shepherd, King, and Friend. He has continually exposed the idols of our hearts through this so that we might receive the grace of repentance. He has continually given us his Word, both in preaching and in our personal devotions; so that we might know that He is with us. Though the trial was very difficult, God has been faithful. And he will be faithful again.
Thank you.
Obscure faithfulness
02 years ago
In these days he went out to the mountain to pray, and all night he continued in prayer to God. And when day came, he called his disciples and chose from them twelve, whom he named apostles: Simon, whom he named Peter, and Andrew his brother, and James and John, and Philip, and Bartholomew, and Matthew, and Thomas, and James the son of Alphaeus, and Simon who was called the Zealot, and Judas the son of James, and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor. ~ Luke 6:12-16
I was struck this morning by this list of apostles. There are twelve, as you know, but how many do we really think about? Paul and Peter, of course; but Paul wasn’t even one of the twelve! James and John obviously have important visible roles to play in the New Testament, so does Judas (for different reasons). But what about the rest of them? We all know Thomas for being “Doubting Thomas”, but outside of the Gospel accounts (in which he’s mentioned 10 times), he’s mentioned once in Acts 1:13. But never again. What about the other guys?
Andrew appears 11 times in Gospels, and is only mentioned by name in the first chapter of Acts. Philip gets a few mentions in the Gospels, and some screen time in Acts 8, but otherwise, is never mentioned. Bartholomew gets mentioned 3 times in the Gospels, and once by name in Acts 1. Matthew, apart from writing a Gospel account, and Judas the son of James, get mentioned 4 times in the Gospels, and 1 time in Acts with a list of the apostles. I mean, how many kids are named Judas (after the good guy)? Or Bartholomew? Sure the “Twelve Apostles” are mentioned in Revelation 21:14, but it’s not even by their names, as though to diminish their importance as being Peter or John, and highlight God’s grace in the reason for giving Apostles (whoever they may be).
So what’s the point here? Most of Jesus’ main guys in ministry were obscure, unrecognized but faithful men. Jesus loved and chose men to be mentioned once at their ordination, some a few times when they were stupid, fewer in their success, and then never again. But they were known to God. When you look at the New Testament, do you think: Man, I want to be like that guy that nobody knows about!
It made me pause and wonder: Do I want to be like famous men (i.e. John Piper, Mark Driscoll, D.A. Carson, CJ Mahaney, etc.) because they’re famous (and I want to be) or because they’re faithful? The reality is, most people are forgotten and ignored by history. Nobody will ever read a biography about Jacob Young. And most likely, nobody will read a biography about you. But who cares? Jesus knows who you are. He called you.
The question Jesus’ ordination of the Apostles asks us is: What do you value more? Obscure, unseen faithfulness like most of the apostles? Or a presence and a name? Because if you want the latter, you’ll be either a Peter or a Judas, and only Jesus makes the difference between the two. Not fame.
Jesus knows your name. He not only knows your name, but your better name which he’ll give you in the end (Revelation 2:17). He’ll not only give you a new name, but shout your name in joy before the Father (Revelation 3:5). So again, do you desire obscure faithfulness in knowing Jesus?
On this point, I can’t recommend enough that you read Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor by D.A. Carson. This is a biography that you’d never otherwise read. Tom Carson wasn’t impressive, he wasn’t famous, he was mildly important to church history in Canada, but he was faithful. Read the book. His example has challenged me deeply, and gives me hope that God uses small, insignificant, unimpressive people (like me!) to do the cosmic scale work of faithfulness to Jesus.
Let us pray for to be like the unknown apostles, people obscure and faithful, yet known to Jesus personally, who we will see Jesus some day soon.
